are you or am I emergent?

Challies quotesKevin DeYoung’s test of whether we are emergent or not. Kevin says that “if all or most” of these apply to you then you are emergent. So let’s use 75% as a threshhold.  Look at my answers below and you tell me.  Am I emergent?  I think not, but they have some good points.

You might be an emergent Christian:

if you listen to U2, Moby, and Johnny Cash’s Hurt (sometimes in church)–I love all three, but only U2’s “40” in church.  It is the Bible after all
use sermon illustrations from The Sopranos–never seen it
drink lattes in the afternoon and Guinness in the evenings–hmmm I love lattes and the occasional Guinness (or 512 Pecan Porter), but not every day on either one as this implies
and always use a Mac–yep. love my Macs
if your reading list consists primarily of Stanley Hauerwas, Henri Nouwen, N. T. Wright, Stan Grenz, Dallas Willard, Brennan Manning, Jim Wallis, Frederick Buechner, David Bosch, John Howard Yoder, Wendell Berry, Nancy Murphy, John Franke, Walter Winks and Lesslie Newbigin (not to mention McLaren, Pagitt, Bell, etc.)–read a bit of Newbigin and liked it. read Velvet Elvis and really liked it. don’t care for the rest
your sparring partners include D. A. Carson, John Calvin, Martyn Lloyd-Jones, and Wayne Grudem;–Love D.A. Carson and Martyn Lloyd-Jones
if your idea of quintessential Christian discipleship is Mother Teresa, Martin Luther King Jr., Nelson Mandela, or Desmond Tutu;–Yes on Mother Teresa. the others, not so much
if you don’t like George W. Bush or institutions or big business or capitalism or Left Behind Christianity;–love W, don’t like institutions or big business much, but I love capitalism. I really am growing to HATE “Left Behind Christianity.”
if your political concerns are poverty, AIDS, imperialism, war-mongering, CEO salaries, consumerism, global warming, racism, and oppression and not so much abortion and gay marriage;–abortion is tops. rest of them except poverty aren’t really on the radar. poverty only to the extent that capitalism could lift them out. love the whole micro loan business concept of the IMF.
if you are into bohemian, goth, rave, or indie;–not really. but I do like some indie and a lot of alternative
if you talk about the myth of redemptive violence and the myth of certainty;–violence does solve some problems and if certainty is a myth, we are all doomed. DOOOOOMMMMEEEEEDDDD, I say.
if you lie awake at night having nightmares about all the ways modernism has ruined your life;–mmmmm, I love modernism
if you love the Bible as a beautiful, inspiring collection of works that lead us into the mystery of God but is not inerrant;–I love the Bible as the inspired, inerrant word of God and from God.
if you search for truth but aren’t sure it can be found;–oh yes, He is very findable
if you’ve ever been to a church with prayer labyrinths, candles, Play-Doh, chalk-drawings, couches, or beanbags (your youth group doesn’t count);–never, but it sounds interesting
if you loathe words like linear, propositional, rational, machine,and hierarchy–I live for the linear, rational and propositional. it is the way the world makes sense. Why are machine and hierarchy on this list?
and use words like ancient-future, jazz, mosaic, matrix, missional, vintage, and dance;–I like jazz, mosaic, missional, matrix and dance. not so much ancient-future and vintage.
if you grew up in a very conservative Christian home that in retrospect seems legalistic, naive, and rigid;–legalistic yes, but not naive or rigid
if you support women in all levels of ministry,–nope. complementarian all the way
prioritize urban over suburban,–nope. love them both
and like your theology narrative instead of systematic;–love narrative to illustrate the systematic.
if you disbelieve in any sacred-secular divide;–hmmmm. will have to ponder. I think most of us have too much of a divide
if you want to be the church and not just go to church;–oh yes, do I ever!
if you long for a community that is relational, tribal, and primal like a river or a garden;–yes relational. the rest sounds like gobbleygook
if you believe doctrine gets in the way of an interactive relationship with Jesus;–true doctrine as the foundation is how we can have a right relationship with Jesus
if you believe who goes to hell is no one’s business and no one may be there anyway;–I believe God is in charge of this question, and we should share the Gospel with everyone. Obviously, Hell will be significantly overpopulated.
if you believe salvation has a little to do with atoning for guilt and a lot to do with bringing the whole creation back into shalom with its Maker;–Romans 8 tells me its both. The price had to be paid for our guilt, and creation groans for redemption
if you believe following Jesus is not believing the right things but living the right way;–wrong wrong wrong
if it really bugs you when people talk about going to heaven instead of heaven coming to us;–never bothered about this. Postmillenialism has virtually no scriptural basis, but the kingdom of heaven is both present and future.
if you disdain monological, didactic preaching;–love preaching. hearing it and doing it. Think it could be less of a monologue most of the time.
if you use the word “story” in all your propositions about postmodernism—Story is a powerful tool in the expositor’s arsenal. in this age and culture in which we live, story is a very important connection tool. It shouldn’t be poo pooed or dismissed so cavalierly.

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