two good ones from Focus on the Family

I received an email from Focus on the Family that mentioned a couple of good articles. Just in case the rest of the world isn’t already on Focus’ email list, here they are.

a good one on teen rebellion

In his book Losing Control & Liking It, Sanford offers some explanation about the struggles most parents face with their teens. He writes:

Your teenager is in the process of moving away from you. Therapists have a term for this: developmental individuating. It means your child is doing the following:

  • disconnecting
  • leaving the nest
  • launching out
  • becoming his own person
  • growing independent
  • becoming a free moral agent

These phrases sound nice and inviting when they crop up on a psychology test covering the “developmental theories” chapter. But they don’t always sound so positive and gentle when they’re lived out in your family room or kitchen.

my favorite story of youthful rebellion in the Bible is that of Rehoboam in I Kings 12. He probably was in his twenties rather than teens, but the way he reacted to the advice from his dad’s old advisors and adopted that of his peers is classic.

6 Then King Rehoboam took counsel with the old men, who had stood before Solomon his father while he was yet alive, saying, “How do you advise me to answer this people?”  7 And they said to him, “If you will be a servant to this people today and serve them, and speak good words to them when you answer them, then they will be your servants forever.”  8 But he abandoned the counsel that the old men gave him and took counsel with the young men who had grown up with him and stood before him 9 And he said to them, “What do you advise that we answer this people who have said to me, ‘Lighten the yoke that your father put on us’?”  10 And the young men who had grown up with him said to him, “Thus shall you speak to this people who said to you, ‘Your father made our yoke heavy, but you lighten it for us,’ thus shall you say to them, ‘My little finger is thicker than my father’s thighs.  11 And now, whereas mmy father laid on you a heavy yoke, I will add to your yoke. My father disciplined you with whips, but I will discipline you with scorpions.’ ”

12 So Jeroboam and all the people came to Rehoboam the third day, as the king said, o“Come to me again the third day.”  13 And the king answered the people harshly, and forsaking the counsel that the old men had given him,  14 he spoke to them according to the counsel of the young men, saying, m“My father made your yoke heavy, but I will add to your yoke. My father disciplined you with whips, but I will discipline you with scorpions.”  15 So the king did not listen to the people, for pit was a turn of affairs brought about by theLord that he might fulfill his word, which qthe Lord spoke by Ahijah the Shilonite to Jeroboam the son of Nebat.

emphasis added.

side question: did Rehoboam have a choice? didn’t he do exactly what he wanted to do? Didn’t he do exactly what God intended him to do? just sayin’

and a good one on spousal communication:

Non Sequitur cartoon by Wiley Miller pictures a couple in bed. The wife has put down the book she’s been reading and said something to her husband. Here’s what he heard: “Time for the annual review of how you make my life a living nightmare.”

All she actually said, though, is, “Sweetie, let’s talk about us.”

Why do some spouses—especially some husbands—seem to view communication as a form of torture?


2 Responses

  1. Mine does. I say, “communication is vital to a successful relationship.” He says, “You just say that because you are a ‘communicator’. I am not.”

    What do I do with that?

  2. Especially if we’re trying to talk with how to deal with a rebellious teen? The answer: hopeless. Praying to just go on home.

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